Friday, August 25, 2006 - Replies

Hi,

I don't "know" much about the nipple thing but I watched the whole procedure on one of those medical shows I like. In talking to my friend at school she said that her surgeon was going to pucker some of her breast tissue into the shape of a nipple and then she would have it tatooed after it healed. By using the tissue in tact with nerves she is anticipating some sensation but not really counting on it being the same.

We are tied to our body parts as women. I remember when I was only 23 and had my hysterectomy...it isn't the same when part of you is taken away. I think that is part of the blessing of the resurrection...a perfect body given back to us and since Heavenly Father is a God of passions we will have a killer body and perfected passions to play with. At least that sounds really good to me.

While those stud muffins are "manipulating" your breast you just tell them how you like it and to move a little lower or to the right or what ever feels good. If they don't like it, tell them to "lump" it. :)

Seriously, I can't tell you how to feel about all of this because it is such a personal hurdle that only you can scale. But I can tell you to ask Heavenly Father the right questions. Don't ask the why me kind, ask the what am I to learn from this kind. He loves you more than anyone else and so He knows what is best and for some reason, He knows that you are strong enough to be tempered by this trial. When He tests with such huge things it is because either you need to show others how to handle the situation with style and grace and integrity and not run from the Lord. Or it is because you are progressing so well He needs to refine you a bit. Not preaching just giving you the thoughts of comfort that have helped me weather storms in my life. But without a doubt I know that you must never loose your integrity, your testimony, and your trust of the Lord in any trial He might place in your path. He is your Heavenly Father and He loved you first and perfectly.

Let me know what happens Friday and if they did a good job of "feeling you up." If they don't, I could write them a scathingly nasty note and have them do it again. :)

I love you, sweety,

Aunt B.

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I know whatever happens, I'll be upset but then I'll handle it. I've never had the luxury in life of falling apart. When Mom was going through her cancer I thought, I have to be the one NOT to have cancer because I could NOT do this...but I am, and I'm ok. That reconstruction doesn't sound so great, but better than nothing if faced w/ it. Did your friend at school lose both breasts or one?

Gaile suggested to me that not only are we given trials to learn from, but that we had a hand in choosing them. That seemed to ring true to me, made life seem less imposed, made me feel like maybe I knew what I was doing when I jumped into this life. I shared the idea w/ my R.S. last month on Fast Sunday, and a sister I don't even know came up to me afterward in tears and said that the things I shared were an answer to prayer.

My sweet doctor; about every-other time he gives both "the girls" a good once-over. It makes me feel watched over. Chemo pretty much kills the ol' sex drive, so there's not much of that kind of excitement involved. Not that it's UNpleasant at all... :) I secretly think that he secretly enjoys it too. That's my fantasy and I'm stickin' to it.

I can't imagine how traumatic it must have been to have a hysterectomy at 23. I have been determined to hold onto my reproductive parts past when I need them. I guess everyone is different though; Kendra didn't mourn the loss of her uterus at all, and both she and Karri would not bat an eye at losing both breasts.

I was fretting about it all in bed last night (maybe that's why I ended up sleeping so poorly) and shed a few tears, but today, I feel a lot better. More accepting of whatever comes. I had planned to come to work for a couple of hours on Friday before my appts, but slow as we are, and considering that I probably won't make it back in after everything if we do a chemo treatment, I may just take the morning too.

Love you! Thanks for being my Aunt!

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Hey Bon,

My friend Tom offered me one of his nipples, as he "is not currently using it". That made me laugh. Then the thought of one nipple that nursed a baby for 11 months and one useless little man-nipple made me laugh even more.

So what do you know about it?

When I brought it up to the oncologist a while back, asking him if he thought I'd have to lose the nipple, I burst into tears. I don't think everyone else understands my attachment. Reconstruction wouldn't fix the loss of sensation, of center of being. Even thought I'm "not currently using them" (haha), I may want to in the future some time, and they are an important link in the arousal process for me, critical in fact. 'Nuff said about that. :) I'm not sure how to explain the "center" thing. Is it one of those Chinese points of energy or something? I know there are worse things that could happen, but if this does, I know it will be very hard for me. The oncologist seemed to think it wouldn't be necessary, but seems to me it would depend on how close to that area the calcification is, although he really wasn't too specific about the removal of the calcification. Friday is the big day when the surgeon gets all the questions I've been pestering the oncologist with and crying over. He has my films too. I didn't look at the new ones, I took them to the oncologist to see, and then dropped them at the surgeon's office, so I'll have to have him show me.

Plus now I'm wondering if insurance companies cover reconstruction after a lumpectomy, or just after a mastectomy, and when does a lumpectomy become a partial mastectomy? More questions for the surgeon.

I haven't had a period since I started chemo, but the hormonal cycle still seems to be in play, making me pre-menstrual right now, and with that and everything coming up, anticipating Friday's appointments, I'm feeling rather depressed. I guess I can look forward to several attractive men touching my breasts on Friday...haha. I feel like I should have as many people as possible in on the exams, or be showing them around or something while they're both still in tact. Both doctors are very kind and compassionate. I feel very lucky. And hey, young and attractive beats old and stodgy when they're feeling my boobs, right?

I'd better pretend to have work to do. We are so slow right now, being tied to the real estate market as we are.

Thanks for remembering me in the temple and your prayers. I need it.

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Hello my sweet niece,

I guess that is good news and bad news all in the same sweep. My friend and I were just talking yesterday about her nipple reconstructive surgery. We were into hot and heavy when another teacher walked in and was stunned to hear us talking about nipples. Well, you know me, nothing is off limits. I've seen it done on TV and so she was asking and then telling me what she had been told. She is wearing her own hair this year and looks darling with her spiky little cut.

I hold you in my prayers as well as your doctors. I've taken to putting your name in the temple as: Shelliann Gibbons et al. I'm hoping the Lord reads that as your doctors, family, and friends.

I love you, pretty girl. Stay optomistic.

Aunt Bonnie