Friday, August 25, 2006

I've been a little lax in sending out my updates...mostly because I'm tired and cranky and sick of the whole thing. It's gotten more difficult to keep up the "positive attitude" front.

Doctor (oncologist), bless his sweet adorable heart, thinks I can be all done with it all before Thanksgiving. That would certainly be reason to be thankful. When I saw him last friday, I was very stressed; coming to the end of one phase forces me to consider the ramifications of the next phase. He let me cry on his shoulder for a bit, and then when he finally made me smile he said, "there's the Shelliann I know...". Are oncologists extra nice? Not many doctors are as kind, warm and compassionate as this man.

I had another mammogram and ultrasound done last week. The radiologist, the oncologist and the surgeon all said there was definite change / shrinkage. The surgeon's office said there was a reduction in the number of calcification spots. The oncologist seemed to think all would be fine for the planned lumpectomy. The surgeon's nurse was more vague. I'm very concerned about how much breast I will lose and how much external accessory, if any, i.e. the nippular area, I will lose. I guess that is my biggest fear. I know in the grand scheme of surviving cancer, it's a small price to pay, but it's not one that I want to pay, and I do have reasons, besides vanity. The oncologist didn't think I would have to lose the nipple, but those calcification spots are what concern me. He said they are part of the tumor, yet they are farther forward that the main mass that we have been monitoring.

I don't have too long to fret and wonder; I have an appt w/ the surgeon on September 1st. I will know for sure after I see him. I go from him to an appt w/ the oncologist, and depending on what the surgeon says I guess, we may do another treatment of Taxotere that day, to preserve what shrinkage we have achieved, since surgery will likely be another 2-3 wks after that. If the surgeon says I have to lose a lot, or have to lose the nipple area, then screw the Taxotere, cuz I'm sick of being sick. And there will be a lot of tears that day.

Enough contemplation of THAT before I make myself cry!! Just keep telling myself, I'll probably get Demerol in the hospital...If it have a lot to adjust to after surgery, maybe a few days on a controlled substance will give my sub-concious time to adjust while I float in the black, dreamless vacation of sleep that is Demerol....shhhh, don't tell the doctors I like it that much or they probably won't give it to me! And actually, being laid up on disability sounds like a good break from my stressful boss right now too!

So much to look forward to! haha. Love you all, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. OH, I almost forgot, when we switched drugs, my hair started coming back. Unfortunately so did the facial hair, and I am quite fuzzy. But my hair on my head is about 1/2 inch long I'd say, for the most part, started as pale white and soft, but it's starting to come in dark as well. The lady at the health food store recommended rinsing w/ a tea made of stinging nettle. Supposed to help w/ the growth and help it not come in gray. She said someone there at their store has used it, so that's what I am doing. Also a supplement containing horsetail (the herb, not the animal's appendage). In a few weeks, I'm thinking it might be in enough to go w/ out the wig, which is hotter now that the hair is coming in.

I'll let you all know when the surgery is scheduled. Love you!

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