Friday, September 1, 2006

Dear All,

Well, taking my top off for two different attractive doctors today wasn't NEARLY as fun as it SHOULD have been.

The news started out good...the surgeon agreed that we had very good response in the mass, which he estimated by the films to be about 2cm. Based on that, a lumpectomy would be one incision and loss of tissue about the size of a lime. I can spare tissue the size a lime.

What about those other spots of calcification, says I? I've asked the oncologist about them all along, and I thought the surgeon was aware of them since they were on the original films and in the radiology report. They show in the most recent films, but that radiologist didn't mention them in his report, so the surgeon went back to his office to look at it and brought the film in to show me. So I'm irked that we didn't take this spot more seriously to begin with. He said we will have to biopsy it, needle biopsy, guided by ultrasound, at an imaging center. If it is just tissue, blah blah blah (didn't write down the words, so I have no idea what he said) then the lumpectomy will be a GO. If it is cancerous, precancerous, blah blah, or blah blah blah, (again, didn't write down the words so I have no idea), then they can't do a lumpectomy and it will have to be a mastectomy. I've been worried about this spot all along, and if we'd biopsied it earlier, I could have known. And I forgot to ask both of them a question I have been meaning to ask, about how long it is likely that a tumor my size had been growing before I found it, just for my curiosity. Just having the cancer affects you, even though you don't know it's there, right?

We didn't do another treatment of the Taxotere today. It would have been my 5th, and we were only going to do it so as not to lose any of the progress while waiting for my surgery date. We decided not to do it, since, depending on the biopsy results, it could be a moot point, and by not doing it, she can get me in for the biopsy right away and not have to wait a whole week after treatment. Also, surgery can be as soon as he can get me in after he gets the results, instead of waiting 4 wks after the treatment. So, at least I don't have to be sick next week and miss any work, other than for the biopsy appt.

My oncologist, bless his sweet heart, said he really had a good feeling in his heart that this is nothing, and that everything is going to go the way we wanted. I'm going to go with his feeling, and hope for the best. If it's lumpectomy, then I lose a lime-sized piece and nothing more. If it's mastectomy, then I get a boob job. I asked Marty to have a prayer with me before I left for the appts this morning. I know that it helped, even though I shed a lot of tears today (some on Dr.'s Regis-Philbin-style purple shirt w/ coordinating purple tie), I know I will be able to accept whatever the outcome is and move on. That's what it's all about, right? I'm glad I came back in to work to keep my mind off it and give my subconscious a chance to adjust while I keep the conscious busy with work. I am tired now though; emotion take a lot out of you, but Brad will be gone w/ his dad when I get home, so I can go straight to bed if I want.

So, pray for me that it's nothing, and that if it has to be something that I will accept it gracefully and with faith. Thank you all who keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I know it has helped me.
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